Tuesday, March 25, 2008

The Blue Eyed Child

Stardate 03-25-2008

I've never met a prophesy I didn't like. That is until I saw 10,000 B.C., and then I met about 6 prophesies that really annoyed me. Prophesies have to be one of my favorite forms of story telling. They bring so much mystery with them, and its this mystery that keeps me into the story. Who made the prophesy? Where did it come from? Who will fulfill it? What happens when they do?

10,000 B.C. is about a small group of Cavemen (Cavemen, so hot right now) who hunt the mighty Mantec (Mammoth). Thanks to Global Warming and the White Man's greed, the mighty Mantec are almost extinct, leaving this group of Cavemen very hungry. However, the group really isn't too worried because one prophesy has already been fulfilled. The first is the prophesy of a blue eyed child. The coming of the blue eyed child prompts the crazy, old, voodoo, witchdoctor to make a second prophesy, that "four legged demons" (horses) would come and with them a great destruction. Not to fear because the prophesy also says that though they will bring destruction, they will also bring an abundance of food. The rest of the story is about the Cavemen and the chain of events brought on by the "four legged demons."

The rest of the movie is an anthropologists dream come true. As the Cavemen journey into the strange lands prophesied by the ancient ones, they meet all types of different tribes and peoples who also have their own prophesies. They all team up and decide to attack those who ride the "four legged demons" because they have enslaved their peoples and forced them to build pyramids.

Not to be outdone, we find out that those who ride the "four legged demons" also have a prophesy warning them of the good guys.

If my calculations are correct, there are about 5 different prophesies all foretold by the ancient and wise ones, and you guessed it, all come to pass.

Now don't get me wrong, Mr. Rumble and I enjoyed this movie in the way that we always enjoy crappy scifi/fantasy/action movies. We were fully entertained not only by the crappiness of the movie, but by our own whit and negative comments throughout.

On a side note, we snuck into Never Back Down and enjoyed its awesomeness for about 20 minutes before our movie started. I can't wait to go back and watch the whole thing.

Friday, March 14, 2008

I'll Put You in a Body Bag

Stardate 03-14-2008

It is with great sadness and dismay that I announce my official retirement from Karate. Though shorter than my time working at Kyoto, I must admit that I had a good run with Master Jeff Openshaw at the Bobby Lawrence Dojo. I loved my time in the Dojo. Nevertheless, due to my commitment to family, lack of funds, and a nagging groin injury brought on by trying to do the splits, I've decided its time to step down. A word to the wise. If you don't want your face to be smashed in by my double hand palm and a little move I call Prancing Hoof, don't throw a round house kick my way. If you don't want your balls crushed by a double hammer fist courtesy of Wild Crushing Hammer, don't try to grab me from behind. And if you really don't want a mouth full of teeth, I would suggest that you don't charge at me from the front, because I won't hesitate to put my knees to your face with a little move called Halting Ram.

In honor of Darth Spencer's month long stint in the Octagon, I will be offering, for a very limited time, this commemorative Darth Spencer Karate Poster. Darth Spencer will only print 10 of these so act fast. $20.00 shipping and handling not includ.

Since my retirement, I've been looking for alternative ways to fill in the Karate void in my life. I've found that watching endless episodes of UFC Unleashed and reruns of The Ultimate Fighter just won't cut it. Here are some gems that I've come across:
Bas Rutten's "Lethal Street Fighting" Self Defence System DVD. Bas is the winner of over 200 deadly street fights. All of the knowledge, nay, WISDOM, that Bas has earned from these deadly brawls is taught in this DVD. I can't wait to buy it. Here are some of the gems that you can learn (I've added EMPHASIS to my favorites):
*Strikes including the straight right punch, uppercut, the deadly palm heel strike, elbow strikes, nasty eye gouges and nose breaking head butts.
*Kicks including front kicks to the groin and solar plexus, knee smashes to the face and body, stomping kicks for when your opponent is down, roundhouse kicks to the head and body plus deadly low kicks to the legs.
*How to use everyday instruments as deadly weapons against your attacker such as beer bottles and chairs, street fighting strategy and much, much more!

Here is a portion of my favorite Amazon review for this DVD

"Bas explains the difference between a fight with rules and the no rules world of street fighting. The street calls for pure savagery when your life is on the line and there are no judges around to stop the bout. You will get an eye opener as to what street fighting is all about from spraying Tabasco in your attackers eyes to breaking his leg with one sharp turn of your body. Good stuff and great quality from Bas all the way. Bas is "THE MAN"! "
Probably the thing that both I and my woman are most excited for is the soon to be released movie, "Never Back Down," which opens in theatres today. Here is a brief synopsis. Jake is the new kid in town. After getting invited to a party, Jake is introduced into the underworld of MMA fighting in Orlando, FL the hard way. Jake better watch out. The guy who beats him up is the same guy who killed Marissa Cooper in the 3rd season of The OC. Not to be shown up, Jake takes lessons in MMA from a sagely trainer. Here is a trailer so you can see the awesomeness.
Is it just me or does this story seem awfully familiar?
I wonder how Jake will do in the All Valley Tournament? He better pray he doesn't face me.

Monday, March 10, 2008

The Return of Pacey

Stardate 03-10-2008

The two main reasons that I love JJ Abrams are:
1. His amazing ability to tell a good SciFi yarn.
2. His love for coming of age romances.

The man created Felicity, cast Matthew Fox from Party of Five in Lost, and now he's bringing Pacey back to TV. Pacey was just cast as Peter Bishop, the lead in Abrams' next Pilot called, Fringe. The $10 million Pilot is currently being shot for Fox. Fringe is about an FBI agent who teams up with Pacey and Pacey's father, an institutionalized scientist, to investigate unexplained phenomena. Pacey's character is a high school drop-out with a 190 IQ and a gambling problem. I'm willing to bet that he can also throw a mean right hook. He may also be good at hockey.