Friday, January 26, 2007

Our Chosen One

Stardate 01-26-07

Anakin Skywalker restored the balance to the Force, Neo saved us from the Matrix, and Paul Maud Dib became the Kwisatz Haderach on Arrakis, Dune, Desert Planet. These characters are commonly referred to in fiction as "Messiah figures," meaning that they are special or chosen to save those around them just as Christ saved humanity.

In case you haven't already heard, I have a very exciting announcement to make. Tom Cruise has been declared by the leaders of Scientology as Divine and a Chosen One of our times. According to an unnamed source in Britain's Sun, "Tom has been told he is Scientology's Christ-like figure. Like Christ, he has been criticized for his views. But future generations will realize he was right."

I am sure the question on all of our minds is this, "What will he save us from?"

Do not fear for I, Darth Spencer, have found the answer. However, at this point, I must please ask those of you who have not yet attained a Scientology Operating Level of III or more to please stop reading, because your Thetans will not be ready to hear, "The secrets of a disaster which resulted in the decay of life as we know it in this sector of the galaxy."

You see, about 75 million years ago, Earth, which back then was called Teegeeack, was part of the Galactic Confederacy which consisted of 26 stars and 76 planets. The Galactic Confederacy had a huge problem of overpopulation, averaging 178 billion people per planet. Xenu, an evil dictator of the Galactic Confederacy was about to be disposed of his power, so he devised a plot to eliminate the excess population from his dominions. Xenu, along with a group of renegades fought and overcame the "Loyal Officers," a force for good which opposed Xenu. Then, with the assistance of psychiatrists, he summoned billions of people to paralyze them with alcohol and glycol injections, under the pretence that they were being called for "income tax" inspections. He then kidnapped them and loaded them into space planes and brought them to planet Teegeeack(Earth) for extermination.

When the space planes reached Teegeeack, the paralyzed people were unloaded and stacked around the bases of volcanoes across the planet. Hydrogen bombs were then lowered into the volcanoes and were detonated simultaneously. Not only were those who were brought to earth viscously slaughtered, but many of the local inhabitants of Teegeeack died in the explosions. Only a few peoples physical bodies survived. Listen to how L. Ron Hubbard describes these sad, terrible events:

"Simultaneously, the planted charges erupted. Atomic blats ballooned from the craters of Loa, Vesuvius, Shasta, Washington, Fujiyama, Etna, and many, many others. Arching higher and higher, up and outwards, towering clouds mushroomed, shot through with flashes of flame, waste and fission. Great winds raced tumultuously across the face of the Earth, spreading tales of destruction. Debris-studded, and sickly yellow, the atomic clouds followed close on the heels of the winds. Their bow-shaped fronts encroached inexorably upon forest, city and mankind, they delivered their gifts of death and radiation. A skyscraper, tall and arrow-straight, bent over to form a question mark to the very idea of humanity before crumbling into the screaming city below..."

The now-disembodied victims' souls, which Hubbard called "Thetans," were blown into the air by the blast. They were captured by Xenu's forces using an "electronic ribbon" and sucked into "vacuum zones" around the world. The hundreds of billions of captured thetans were taken to a type of movie theatre, where they were forced to watch a "3-D super colossal motion picture" for 36 days. This movie implanted what Hubbard termed, "various misleading data" into the memories of the hapless thetans, "which had to do with God, the Devil, [world religions, Roman Catholicism and even the image of the Crucifixion]." This implementation of new beliefs into the thetans is called the "R6 Implant."

The R6 Implants deprived all thetans of their personal identity. When the thetans left the theatres, they started to cluster together in groups of a few thousand, having lost the ability to differentiate between eachother. Each cluster of thetans gathered into one of the few remaining bodies that survived the explosion. These became known as "body thetans," which are said to be still clinging to and adversely affecting everyone except those Scientologists who have performed the necessary steps to remove them.

From my reseach, I have determined that there is one of two ways that Tom Cruise will be able to save us.

First, as Tom Cruise spreads the good word of Scientology, we will all learn what we need to do in order to cleanse ourselves of all of our thetans, which will in turn help us to achieve our highest level of spirituality.

or

Second, the Loyal Officers of the Galactic Confederacy were finally able to overthrow the evil Xenu and locked him away in a mountain, where he was imprisoned forever by a force field powered by an eternal battery. Some have suggested that Xenu is imprisoned here on Earth in the Pyrenees. Teegeeack/Earth was subsequently abandoned by the Galactic Confederacy and remains a "prison planet" to this day. It is my opinion that Xenu will find a way to escape, and it will be up to Tom Cruise to fight and save us from his deadly grasp.

Either way, we are in good hands. Thank you Tom Cruise.

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

I’m writing you to ask for your help. This story, based on a “report” by one of England’s worst tabloids “The Sun”, is 100% false. It is also harmful, libelous and foments incorrect notions about my religion Scientology so as to cause strife and intolerance. I need your help to set the record straight.

In actual fact, nobody within the Church of Scientology considers themselves to be “Christ-like” – this would be a very inappropriate and arrogant comment and I’m sure you can see how this is being used only to antagonize Christians everywhere.

We Scientologists appreciate Tom Cruise’s efforts as a spokesperson of many of our Church’s initiatives. But he’s just an actor, holds no rank within our Church, and is by NO MEANS a “prophet” – and I am certain he himself would be embarrassed at the thought.

I hope you can help me in setting the record straight. The “Sun” is lying. Please get in touch with the Church’s Media Relations department, at http://www.scientologytoday.org/Contacts/index.htm

Thank you.

Best,
Greg
Scientologist and proud of it
http://www.liveandgrow.org

Spencer Davis said...

Greg-
Thanks for your insights and thoughts. But I have to ask, how can you be so sure of this? What is your OT? Perhaps these beliefs are taught in a OT level that you have not yet achieved?

Also, part of the reason that I decided to post on this subject is my desire to learn more about the "space opera" aspects of scientology. Please feel free to comment on or critique what I have posted about Xenu or the Galactic Confederacy.

Those of us here at the Ministry of Truth noticed that you were quick to comment on what you believe to be innacurate views about Tom Cruise, but it appears that you deny nothing about what happened 75 million years ago here on Teegeeack.

Please comment.

Mike Blakesley said...

Tom Cruise is "just an actor"!? I remember flying high with Maverick and jetting through the stratosphere. Or what about the time that I ran side by side with him, pursued by flaming alien tripods, hiding and killing in order to save our children. Together we met the Japanese hordes, joined their ranks, and became samurai. Or how can I forget the football contract that we worked out for Rod Tidwell, changing both cinematic and athletic trends forever?

Greg-Scientologist, I hope that your misinformed ideas, based on the popular and tabloid-reeking propaganda, that Mr. Cruise is "just an actor" may be promptly rectified. Speaking for millions of fellow fans, your lack of confidence sickens me. Please get in touch with our organization's Relations department at www.TomCruiseFan.com and you will not be disappointed.

Thank you.

Regards,
Otis
"Cruiser" and proud of it
www.tomcruisehq.com

Spencer Davis said...

Thank you Otis. I couldn't have put it better myself. And I think that my literally thousands of readers would agree that no ordinary man could do all of those things without calling upon his divine powers.

And besides, didn't he raise Goose from the dead in Top Gun II? Well, if not, that would make a killer sequal.

Ian said...

It appears that Greg is of the opinion that Tom Cruise will be a messianic figure in the sense that he will spread the good news of scientology throughout the world, rather than saving us from Zenu.

In my opinion, Tom Cruise's skill set is much more conducive to saving us from Zenu. He has done a poor job of spreading the good news of scientology, looking belligerent and absurd in interviews. But I, like Otis, have seen him fly naval airlplanes with reckless abandon, drive race cars at breakneck speeds, climb unclimbable mountains in southern Utah, and fight people who were unnacepting of Irish immigrants. I am confident that he can combine all of these skills together and protect us against Zenu or any other harmful cosmic forces that might arise. I feel safe knowing that he is there to protect us.

Spencer Davis said...

Ah yes Ian, very good points indeed. I also hope that Tom saves us from Xenu. And when he does, I hope that Spieilberg will be the director. They make an awesome team.

Chantalle said...

ok...hum...is anonymous for real???

Spencer Davis said...

Chanty-
Yes and no. I looked around at some other blogs that others have done about this whole Tom Cruise thing, and I saw the exact same comment on their blogs that anonymous(greg) left on mine. It appears that he just went from blog to blog and left the same copy and paste reply. But I do think he is for real. I wish he would have come back and made a second reply and defended Xenu.

3703 said...

Anonymous was right, we appreciate Tomcat's efforts and intiatives. He is a defender of truth. You should all be ashamed. Boethius would not approve. Fortuna will not be happy with these proceedings and I am embarrassed by your strife.

Spencer Davis said...

hopefully The Ministry of Truth will not reep the wrath of Fortuna while she is on her downward spin.

I'm sorry I cant think of anything funnier to say. Its hard to be funny when little boys are screaming in your ear.

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